this letter was written at 5:45pm on April 8, 2009 from a tiny hotel room in San Pedro Sula, Honduras. i write this in the tradition of many letters ive written to myself during times of great uncertaintly and circumstance whereas perhaps by putting pen against paper i might find some peace that helps me rest better tonight. it is my last in central america (for now) and one cannot help but to look back at the spins ive made around the sun in question of what purpose or cause i have found any bit of insight from in the last few weeks and i cant help but let my head spin with doubt. it is as if i am constantly looking too deeply into things or constantly trying to validate everything, something i´m told that stops happening with age however i feel it even stronger now than ever. i´m in a room that litterally resembles a jail cell in a shit downtown city that with nightfall is quickly becoming a place one should not wander. all of my companions ive loved and traveled with are now gone and once again im alone with my thoughts. i think first of the reasons i came here in the first place and the people who ive given too much credit to be concerned with. i think of all the times in my life i was called to make a decision to fight or run and how ive often chosen the second option. i find peace in this frame of madness however and i look back without regret. i do what i do with love for life and learning and i know that there is an endless amount of knowledge to be soaked up while my time here is so short. so i write this letter to no one as i feel most people will not know what i am getting at (or even read it) however i continuous keep my hands to the sky in hopes that the sun will come in focus between my hands.. if not.. i shall go blind.
the people ive come to know in the last few months have deeply embedded themselves in my heart and the experiences ive had with them, although brief, will always flourish in my imagination and stories of these recent travels. the people who have wronged me are forgiven and the people who ive never gotten the chance to meet will make their way back around. im happy. its been a rad completion of 27 spins around the sun and my eyes are open wide.
i should add that ive lost henrietta here. her soul sinks deep down into the soil of nicaragua (or into the foul hands of that bitch who i think stole her). maybe it was time. im covered in bug bites and i have three gooey infections on my right leg causing great discomfort while walking. ive met and experienced many great folk from around the world just to solidify my thought that people are foolish for believing that it is a small world. i miss those dearest to me who are back home in detroit and even more those who have left our love-ed town some time ago.. now is a time when i begin to focus on the future and my plans to conquer more of the planet. until then i wait in a stinky little jail cell with a box of wine from argentina and a bag of something green i shouldn´t mention online.
i wont lie.. i have a volcano inside of me that wants to shout angry things at certain people who have taken my peace from me but that is not that way in the practices ive adopted. i´d rather sit back and think of my friends in granada who made a bigger mark on that city than william walker´s pyromaniac vengence. i´d rather think about that really great girl who i caught staring at her butt in the mirror or those cats from england who taught me how to travel. this puff is for you, my friends and those who hate me, ive learned so much from both of you and although our time on this planet is so short you have added many words to my book of life.. and i do thank you.. but some of you can still eff off.. :)
in the 38 hours or so it will take for me to return home im going to remain in silence and pursue that goal i once made of having a day without speaking. i´m going to speak only with my smiles and winks to children and pretty girls and speak louder with my silence to those who will not know how i am doing while being alone very far away. its been said but i have a lot to teach but even more to learn. until then.. be bold and pursue love!
1 comment:
Well said, my friend, well said.
There are those who will tell you that you will eventually outgrow your unease... those are the people who have settled, and you are so much bigger than that. Don't stop questioning, even if you doubt, don't stop validating, even if it breaks your heart.
My prayers are with you, where ever you may be on your travels.
Post a Comment