Tuesday, October 30, 2007
-lack of regard for self/well being
-no more cigarettes
-severe insatiable wanderlust
-persistent annoying phone calls from China
-try everything once.. some things six thousand times
-getting good at flamenco guitar
-hanging out with old drunken sailors
-one hour plus wiped clean from memories of Friday night
-reoccurring dreams about Atlantis
-obsession with the Mayans
-dad is sick
-5 of the 7 deadly sins.. (not much for sloth or gluttony)
-big plans.. spin the globe, you'll land on where i'm going
Thursday, October 25, 2007
The Great Spirit called all his people together from all over the earth. There was to be a change. He would give names to the people, and the Animal World was to rule. The naming was to begin at the break of day, each one having the right to choose his or her name according to who came first to the Spirit Chief's lodge. The Spirit Chief would also give each one their duty to perform in the changed conditions.
It was the night before the New World. Excitement was among the people. Each one desired a great name of note. All wished to be awake and first at the lodge of the Great Spirit Chief. Everyone wanted power to rule some tribe, some kingdom of the Animal World.
Coyote was of a degraded nature, a vulgar type of life. He was an imitator of everything that he saw or heard. When he asked a question, when he asked for information and it was given him, he would always say, "I knew that before! I did not have to be told." That was Coyote's way. He was hated by all the people for his ways. No one liked him. He boasted too much about his wisdom, about everything. Coyote went among the anxious people, bragging to everyone how early he was going to rise, how he would be the first one at the Spirit Chief's lodge. He bragged of the great name he would choose. He said, "I will have three big names to select from: there is Grizzly Bear, who will be ruler over all running, four-footed animals; Eagle, who will lead all the flying birds; Salmon, who will be chief over all the fish of every kind."
Coyote's twin brother, who took the name of Fox, said to him, "Do not be too sure. Maybe no one will be given his choice of names. Maybe you will have to retain your own name, Coyote. Because it is a degraded name, no one among the tribes will want to take it.
. . . . . . . .
Coyote went to his tepee in anger. He determined not to sleep that night. He would remain awake so as to be the first at the Spirit Chief's lodge for the name he wanted. . . . Coyote's wife (afterwards Mole), sat on her feet at the side of the doorway. She looked up at Coyote and said in a disappointed tone, "Have you no food for the children? They are starving! I can find no roots to dig."
"Eh-ha!" grunted Coyote sarcastically. He answered his wife, "I am no common person to be spoken to in that fashion by a mere woman. Do you know that I am going to be a great Chief at daybreak tomorrow? I shall be Grizzly Bear. I will devour my enemies with ease. I will take other men's wives. I will need you no longer. You are growing too old, too ugly to be the wife of a great warrior, of a big Chief as I will be."
. . . . . . . . .
Coyote ordered his wife to gather plenty of wood for the tepee fire where he would sit without sleep all night. Half of the night passed; Coyote grew sleepy. His eyes would close however hard he tried to keep them open. Then he thought what to do. He took two small sticks and braced his eyelids apart. He must not sleep! But before Coyote knew it, he was fast asleep. He was awakened by his wife, Mole, when she returned from the Spirit Chief's lodge, when the sun was high in the morning sky. . . .
Coyote jumped up from where he lay. He hurried to the lodge of the Chief Spirit. Nobody was there, and Coyote thought that he was first. . . . He went into the lodge and spoke, "I am going to be Grizzly Bear!"
The Chief answered, "Grizzly Bear was taken at daybreak!"
Coyote said, "Then I shall be called Eagle!"
The Chief answered Coyote, "Eagle has chosen his name. He flew away long ago."
Coyote then said, "I think that I will be called Salmon."
The Spirit Chief informed Coyote, "Salmon has also been taken. All the names have been used except your own: Coyote. No one wished to steal your name from you."
Poor Coyote's knees grew weak. He sank down by the fire in that great tepee. The heart of the Spirit Chief was touched when he saw the lowered head of Coyote, the mischief-maker. After a silence the Chief spoke, "You are Coyote! You are the hated among all the tribes, among all the people. I have chosen you from among all others to make you sleep, to go to the land of the dream visions. I make a purpose for you, a big work for you to do before another change comes to the people. You are to be father for all the tribes, for all the new kind of people who are to come. Because you are so hated, degraded and despised, you will be known as the Trick-person. You will have power to change yourself into anything, any object you wish when in danger or distress. There are man-eating monsters on the earth who are destroying the people. The tribes cannot increase and grow as I wish. These monsters must all be vanquished before the new people come. This is your work to do. I give you powers to kill these monsters. I have given your twin brother, Fox, power to help you, to restore you to life should you be killed. Your bones may be scattered; but if there is one hair left on your body, Fox can bring you back to life. Now go, despised Coyote! Begin the work laid out for your trail. Do good for the benefit of your people."
Thus, Coyote of the Animal People was sent about the earth to fight and destroy the people-devouring monsters, to prepare the land for the coming of the new people, the Indians. Coyote' eyes grew slant from the effects of the sticks with which he braced them open that night when waiting for the dawn of the name giving day.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
-Kiss your lover on the collar bone more often. Or the small of their back. Especially their stomach..
-Gin makes me feel classy. Beer makes me feel sociable. Tequila gives me super powers. Rum makes me think about the ocean. Whiskey makes me want to play piano and smoke cigarettes. Vodka can die. Wine makes me horny. Champagne makes me really horny. Jager makes me dance. Brandy makes me want to write. Scotch reminds me of camping with Sid.
-New Jersey sucks.
-Eskimos have something like 100 words for ice but not a single word for laser tag.
-My friend called me once from Easter Island. I was on the island of Upolu. I met her in Minneapolis while traveling from Chicago to Boise. She now lives both in South Africa and in London. I might meet up with her again in Buenos Aires.
-It only costs 240 dollars to travel back and forth to Honduras.
-We talk over a few drinks and I just wanna grab you. It's cold up here but somehow the chilly breeze is motivating this uncomfortable conversation out of us. The winds are changing and decide to fly instead of take shelter.
-A two minute phone call and about 17 text messages later I immediately fall back into memories. I never even asked where you live these days, I was too busy telling you how much I miss you.
-Where I work there is an old man who sits on a bucket and fishes off the pier. Every time I ask how they are biting he says "not so good.. maybe tomorrow."
-I knew a blind kid who loved birds. He could name any bird just by listening to it's call.
-One time in Samoa I saw a tiny sliver of a crescent moon completely inverted as if it were winking at me. Earlier that day me and one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen were almost killed by a riptide. I can't explain how lovely the silver sky looked on her body that night.
-I heard of a guy who choked to death on a toothpick. He was a firefighter. Later that day a friend of mine told me about his friend's dad who choked to death on a toothpick. He was also a firefighter.
-Buddhist monks have the best laughs in the world.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
i wanna see you act it out
make up characters with background stories
use facial expressions
yell the right lines
cry if you have to
stand up straight
pound your fist at the right time
fake a convincing laugh
make a deceiving smile
your devilish grin
what's on your mind?
music would be nice
show some skin
get into character
put a hurtin' on me
leave no jaw shut
wave your hands wildly
pretend no one is watching
memorize your lines
make them up on the spot
point fingers at the audience
your devilish grin
what are you thinking about?
back to the matter at hand
a microphone without a stand
and a man.. only a man
fans he can count on one hand
they stomach more than they can stand
they grow tired of the man
to his crowd he extends an open hand
most don't think he has a leg to stand
they throw rocks at the ill-fated man
life will never fall in your hand
sometimes it's time to make a stand
and be proud to be feelin like the man
but even if you fall and break your hand
and slip on ice when you thought that you could stand
and only feel like a quarter of a man
close your eyes and raise your hand
reach up and take a stand
for the microphone looking for the man
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
a few holes in it
clean shaved face
bracelet of beads
three cups of coffee
full tank of gas
red sharpe in my left pocket
black one in the right
today i just might
watch the day turn into night
wont let you out of my sight
last nice day of the year
just a feeling
got out of work early
no plans today?
what do you say
we cancel all our goings-on
and like kids we could play
good music playing
waving to children i pass
stopped by the bookstore
flipped through a few titles
caught a flirt from behind the coffee stand
sorry, seat's taken
and the position is already filled
acted nice and smooth
until the coffee spilled
old pair of jeans
they wear their stains well
split ankle seams
another story to tell
took the long way for kicks
kept you waiting because i can
i'm not the same as i used to be
trying to be a better man
every king needs a queen
and you make me smile in my dreams
we can play it slow
or whatever that means
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
i have a few guesses:
-there are too many squares in my ceiling tiles and multiplying x by y would be cheating
-i drink coffee too late in the day
-something much more fun is going on somewhere else besides my bed
-because i crack too many knuckles and i won't sleep until i've got all of them
-i think too much
-because i hate sleeping alone
-because i never know where i am when i wake up
-my cat meows all night
-because i'm not satisfied with the day and i wont sleep until things are better
-because i might not wake up
-maybe i have a song stuck in my head
-because i can't put the pen down
-i'm scared of the dark
-i have a guilty conscience
-i'm not eating right
-because things have gone unsaid
-i'd rather be making love
-because i'm convinced it's comfortable to be sleeping in jeans
-my feet are cold
-because i feel like sleep is a waste of time
-because i'm lonely
-because i want a cigarette
-because sometimes i can't tell the difference between dreams and reality
-i don't have enough pillows
-i'm afraid i didn't set the alarm
-i'm too drunk
-i just got done working out and now i want to punch things
-i have a headache
-i'm afraid of clowns
-because my friends live on the other side of the world and when they call it is noon
-because i have to pee
-because i can't make up my mind if i like the ride side or left side better
i'll sleep good tonight though. i had a shitty day. a day that was so shitty that i don't care about anything. a day that was so shitty that one phone call from just the right person at the just the right time could have saved me but i've used up all my blessings for at least a month. i'll sleep good because i hate losing sleep over things. i had a dream about hippos the other night and it was incredible; if i have a dream half as cool tonight it will all be worth it. on the way home today i didn't listen to music with words in it so that way i wont be up all night replaying the lyrics. maybe if i think about the lunesta butterfly i will slowly drift off into a dreamworld about glowing fungus and bright green things or maybe i'll dream that i'm surrounded by beautiful women dressed like gypsies. i could put my hands by my legs and wait until i can't tell whether or not they are touching (i was told once that this is the first sign of falling asleep). i could draw all over myself and wake up to one-liners of good advice on my forearms. i could call my friend in california and tell her i miss her. i could hold a metal ball in one hand and hang it over the side of the bed above a metal plate and not let go until i fall asleep like salvador dali used to. maybe i'll just take the covers and curl up on the couch. even better yet, maybe i'll just get up and put some pants on then go for a long drive to nowhere until i run out of gas. i could hitchhike to the next state and make my way south. i'd steal a sharpe from a gas station and make a sign that says 'equator or bust!'. i'd live off of junk food and not shave for a year. i'd dine and dash at every diner i step in and leave flowers on the waitress's cars. i'd call up a friend in kentucky and crash at his house for a night but wake up early enough to rob him blind and never talk to him again. i'd make a collect call from the road to tell everyone i'm never coming home. i'd change my name to Santos Cristobal Fernando and assume odd jobs in Mexico until i can afford a bus ticket to columbia. i'd hitch a ride in the back of a crowded truck with twenty columbians who don't speak english. i'd get held up at the border and searched as if i was dumb enough to smuggle drugs across the country line. i'd bathe under a waterfall and try to go a whole month without speaking a word. i could learn what it is like to be mute or deaf and make ends meet by scratching upon people's front doors until they fed me and cared for me. i'd find some hot coals and brand the word 'sleepwalker' in the center of my left palm and never wear a shirt again!! or i could just say fuck it and roll over and fall asleep.
(don't read this, i'm just rambling)
Monday, October 01, 2007
I wonder if God is that narrating voice in your head that mumbles faster than you could vocalize. Maybe God is more like a scientist or mathematician who has set forth the laws of physics as well as the principals of each mathematical formula on the pages of your tenth grade algebra books. Have you ever taken acid? I personally haven't but I hear that you might see God if you take enough. I was once told that a friend's auntie can cook an Italian dish so well that it will make you believe in God. People like to call out to God over and over again during sex and I've always wondered if he/she/it were amused with this. Are we certain that God is actually a good god? We could be ants under a giant magnifying glass at the mercy of a power much greater than ourselves just waiting for our time to burn.
This is why I recommend that we eliminate all we have been told about God and we discover him/her/it for ourselves. I don't think that this requires specific prayers or chanting and incense (although nag champa is nice) but I do think it takes an open mind. I sincerely doubt that an angel will come to you or you will speak in tongues but I bet you find something. It's strange but I'm noticing that the less I believe in Christianity the more I believe in God. Maybe it is because that pesky guilt thing has resided and I can replace my fears with intrigue about the world God created. I don't have a problem believe that we are tiny specks of nothing just floating around like plankton in a vast ocean. I don't mind handing my whole being over to a creator and if I'm lucky to me him/her/it I won't waste my time asking questions like "why?" and "what does it all mean", I'll just smile and say, "you sneaky little sneak, well done."