Friday, December 28, 2007


I took my shirt off and sat in bed with my back against the wall like I do every night. I read often but inconsistently so usually I just grab whatever book I find closest to me. Reading feels good on my brain and if what I am reading intrigues me I feel as if my life becomes narrated and everything I do is being carefully charted with colorful vocabulary. Sometimes I don't sleep alone. Sometimes my sweet lady falls asleep with me and I stay up long enough to feel her beautiful body twitch into r.e.m. It is good to fall asleep happy. A good hot shower before bed helps and I don't mind that cold feeling of wet pillow from wet hair when I randomly wake up in the middle of the night.

I talked to an old friend the other day. She told me I broke her heart and hung up the phone on me before I could tell her that I miss her. I'd later fall asleep with part of my halloween costume on that I found. It smells like cigarettes. I woke up hungover on Neal's couch but sometimes a hangover can be motivating. I know I have one bottle (glass) of coke in my parents' fridge and that will prompt me to get my ass out of bed and trek home.

A few days ago my mates found some Ukrainian woman at the bar and somehow she ended up back at the loft only to make a fool of herself and fart on the boypile. That was the coldest night I've had in a long time. It's hot in Samoa even at night and I don't know if I have completely adjusted to this whole winter thing even though I've been back for six months. Earlier that night I tried my hand at randomly asking people geography questions. "hey can I ask you something? what is the capital of Columbia?" Americans are pretty shitty at geography but some people will surprise you.

My new loft smells a little like the old Trumbull house. That musty aged-Detroit smell that lingers no matter where in the city you call home. Our loft is surrounded by windows and as soon as the place is clean I'm going to find a window I like best and sit in front of it with my shirt off reading books.

I look into the eyes of my friends and see a glimpse of the rich history we've had together. I would take a bullet, knife wound, pitchfork, cannonball or tomahawk for any of them because in a way they already have done something better for me. Sometimes I put my head back and thank whatever divine force it is that governs this universe (I call him Zuul) for the company I have been blessed with.

So yeah.. that's about it. I'm pretty well these days. I start teaching in a short while and I'm super stoked. Teachers are sexy. I met a pretty Italian girl yesterday whose energy was really cool. She's excited about traveling and I recommended Peace Corps to her. I'll get off this island again, I'm not worried about that. I'm just taking this time to figure some things out and reevaluate what it is that inspires me most. I still have many demons but they, as well as myself, are very tired and we could all use a nap. I once waited at the shores of a marina waiting for my ship to come. Now I sit by the edge of a tall building waiting for the wind to get strong enough to lift me. Hands are to the sky and feet are bare.. close my eyes..

Monday, November 26, 2007


i suggest we:

sink or swim..
but if you dont choose the latter of the two
me and you
could see life at the bottom of the sea
how beautiful it could be
under blue waves
before we sink to our graves

i dream in water
cool colors in shades of blue and green
with lights off in the unknown distance
breathing from tiny gills behind my ears
alien plant life
and fish with lights on their heads
space ships sunk deep at the bottom
plaebean skeletal remains
telekinetic energies
from their dead bodies
twitching like the muscles of a fish
caught on a hook
sounds of whales and sea beasts
unknown to man and it is unknown to me
if i'll make it back to the surface
to share my discoveries with you
my eyes sink deep into my head
collapsed from the tremendous pressure
and even my heart beating causes great pain
my skin is shriveling like a grape in the sun
nobody can hear me scream
nobody can see me in this dark abyss
the eye of a giant squid focuses on me
and i hold perfectly still
i dont go for my knife
but i freeze in terror
in my own reflection
we blink at the same time
and i wake up without moving a muscle

Sunday, November 25, 2007

fear of drowning (below a thick sheet of ice)

I miss the summer - there I said it.. Countless hours wasting away on Neal's back porch. Warm weather. Great concerts every weekend. I'm listening to Manu Chao right now and it brings me back as if July was years ago. But I understand the importance of winter, in fact I once preferred colder weather but these days I'm not as cold blooded as I used to be. I'm going to put some pictures up here that have probably already been posted months ago but they make me happy and hopefully those who are dear to me will chance upon them and smile as well. Let's see, what day is it? November 25.. first day of spring is March 21 and that is roughly 120 days from now - is that correct? Wait.. it's still fall and technically not winter yet. Is it normal to talk to oneself via blogger?

So if you know me and care a little please offer some advice on how to make it through the winter. I didn't have a winter last year and considering the last year of my life was the longest ever it seems like ages since I've seen snow. Winter, if I remember correctly, has this way of destroying people thus making Spring that much better because by that point people are at their all time low. Pale skin and crabbiness suddenly turns into warm bodies and the smell of love. Last summer was like a crash landing from a fantastic voyage and it seems as if the ice of winter will make that landing even more slippery.

And why am I so paranoid about everything these days? It's choking me and I don't understand where it is coming from. I'm shaky and haven't slept well in ages.

Here is a good story-

So last night a few friends and I made our way to Hamtramck. Having a Polish girlfriend I am constantly curious about Polish culture. I made many new Polish friends who were quick to buy me shots and share with me lessons in the language which I promptly forgot. Needless to say Gregg and myself got nice and hammy. Gregg thought it would be a good idea to walk from Hamtramck back to Detroit although he didn't make it very far. I followed him out of the bar and with not much convincing at all we turned around. This occurred at the precise moment when two Polish dudes had crossed our paths. They took one look at us and because we were only a few feet behind them they assumed we were going to rob them. This made them very defensive and a battle was becoming imminent. I wore a look of shock on my face that we would be accused of committing such an act and my expression must have worked because it made the one guy realize he was acting like a dumbass. He felt bad and took me to another bar where more free drinks and lessons in Polish were distributed. Thing is that on the way to the bar we passed the famed statue of Pope John Paul VI and this immediately captured my attention. I ran up to the statue to investigate his shoes and sure enough they were the exact same ones I slipped my feet into in Samoa where the Pope had left his shoes behind in 1970-something. I can't explain the power I felt. I was told that by clicking the shoes together and chanting "there's no place like Rome.. there's no place like Rome.." I would be instantly transported back to the Vatican City but I guess I'll never know.

I got slapped a lot last night. This wasn't because of my defamation of his holiness, Pope John Paul VI but rather because I started a slap circle. I won't lie. I slapped a few women last night who were rather shocked that any guy would do such a thing. Hey.. hit me and I'll hit you back. Some girl actually saw me do this from across the bar and came up to me asking if I'd slap her. Naturally I requested that she slap me first and when she refused, a beautiful friendship that could have been manifested was suddenly cut short and I asked her to never speak to me again.

eye candy

So yeah.. having said all this and getting a few pictures out of my system I feel a little better. THANK YOU BLOGGER, YOU BRING OUT THE 15 YEAR OLD GIRL IN ALL OF US!! I think I'll fire up the old digital camera and embrace the season for what it's worth. It's crazy how music leaves a stamp in your memories and when you pull out old music it's like transporting yourself to a different time. I've been blessed with love of all sorts and the music that accompanied my fortunes gets played on repeat when I need it most.

Monday, November 19, 2007

we pay our debts sometimes (part 3)

Guatemala = on hold (I'll tell you later)

A night of prescription recreation left me jittery and ill-rested. It's nice outside so I throw on my hoody and say good morning to the early morning folk. There is frost on the ground this morning and I have a sneaking suspicion that colder weather is on the way. I thought I'd like it but I forgot how red my face gets and how much it sucks to scrape ice off your car. No worries though. I wish more people got up early. I'm nocturnal these days but the problem is that I'm still an insomniac; a terrible combination. I take a long drive to sift through what intrigues me most but I find that I'm too paranoid to sign up for anything. Be bold, right? Sometimes I feel like my mantra should be replaced by "Be afraid.. be very afraid.." but I swear that I'll find myself again. I imagine I make for poor conversation and in this twenty-sixth revolution I find that I'm fouler than ever but that's how it goes for a pirate.

I smile at every child I pass. They seem to be less afraid of me now that I've cut my hair and wear clothes that cover my tattoos but in reality they should b e scared of me - I'm a teacher.

on that..

to all aspiring teachers I offer three bits of wisdom:

Elementary teachers
Be a mystery to your students. Don't even tell them your first name for a few months. In fact it might be a good idea to wait for an important exam and then offer your students your first name in exchange for every one of them scoring above an 80%. They are young and stupid (sorry, bear with me) and therefore easily manipulated but do not underestimate their sneakiness. They will find your weak spot and attack like predators if they are given the opportunity.

Secondary teachers
Here is a useful tip. Always hold something in your hand when given a lecture. A bottle of water will do perfectly. It even helps to hold a bottle of water and every so casual make the motions as if you were to take a drink but never seem to find a free moment to allow the bottle to touch your lips. Instead just keep talking about your lecture and keep them on the edge of their seats. For some strange psychological reason they will pay better attention this way.

College teachers
This one is easy. Just swear often and talk about sex.

stole this picture - it makes me smile (thanks kait)

A quick letter to a home wrecker:

Dear sir or madam,
Fuck you.

Feels good walk around in the cold. I change my mind, I like it now. Soon I will go snow boarding and fuck shit up old school. I think I'll go boozing tonight. I hate white people. I think I'm 13% homosexual. My girlfriend has a beautiful greyhound that she adopted and she'll never know quite how much respect I have for her. Go to Baker's Keyboard lounge and drink gin and tonics. Talk to old men. Don't lie to people.. it pisses me off. If me and Neal got wasted and got into a fight it would be Boozy the Clown vs. Dante Beligerente. I have reoccurring dreams about a special friend I made from Tonga. I had a wonderful dream the other night about Pani.. she is known for her incredible paper snowflakes and in my dream she made a long chain snowflake out of white paper and I watcher her slowly let it float out of her hand and down a creek. Don't take Adderall xr 20mg at 11:00pm unless you feel like staying up all night organizing your cupboard.

Monday, November 05, 2007