Monday, November 19, 2007

we pay our debts sometimes (part 3)

Guatemala = on hold (I'll tell you later)

A night of prescription recreation left me jittery and ill-rested. It's nice outside so I throw on my hoody and say good morning to the early morning folk. There is frost on the ground this morning and I have a sneaking suspicion that colder weather is on the way. I thought I'd like it but I forgot how red my face gets and how much it sucks to scrape ice off your car. No worries though. I wish more people got up early. I'm nocturnal these days but the problem is that I'm still an insomniac; a terrible combination. I take a long drive to sift through what intrigues me most but I find that I'm too paranoid to sign up for anything. Be bold, right? Sometimes I feel like my mantra should be replaced by "Be afraid.. be very afraid.." but I swear that I'll find myself again. I imagine I make for poor conversation and in this twenty-sixth revolution I find that I'm fouler than ever but that's how it goes for a pirate.

I smile at every child I pass. They seem to be less afraid of me now that I've cut my hair and wear clothes that cover my tattoos but in reality they should b e scared of me - I'm a teacher.

on that..

to all aspiring teachers I offer three bits of wisdom:

Elementary teachers
Be a mystery to your students. Don't even tell them your first name for a few months. In fact it might be a good idea to wait for an important exam and then offer your students your first name in exchange for every one of them scoring above an 80%. They are young and stupid (sorry, bear with me) and therefore easily manipulated but do not underestimate their sneakiness. They will find your weak spot and attack like predators if they are given the opportunity.

Secondary teachers
Here is a useful tip. Always hold something in your hand when given a lecture. A bottle of water will do perfectly. It even helps to hold a bottle of water and every so casual make the motions as if you were to take a drink but never seem to find a free moment to allow the bottle to touch your lips. Instead just keep talking about your lecture and keep them on the edge of their seats. For some strange psychological reason they will pay better attention this way.

College teachers
This one is easy. Just swear often and talk about sex.

stole this picture - it makes me smile (thanks kait)

A quick letter to a home wrecker:

Dear sir or madam,
Fuck you.

Feels good walk around in the cold. I change my mind, I like it now. Soon I will go snow boarding and fuck shit up old school. I think I'll go boozing tonight. I hate white people. I think I'm 13% homosexual. My girlfriend has a beautiful greyhound that she adopted and she'll never know quite how much respect I have for her. Go to Baker's Keyboard lounge and drink gin and tonics. Talk to old men. Don't lie to people.. it pisses me off. If me and Neal got wasted and got into a fight it would be Boozy the Clown vs. Dante Beligerente. I have reoccurring dreams about a special friend I made from Tonga. I had a wonderful dream the other night about Pani.. she is known for her incredible paper snowflakes and in my dream she made a long chain snowflake out of white paper and I watcher her slowly let it float out of her hand and down a creek. Don't take Adderall xr 20mg at 11:00pm unless you feel like staying up all night organizing your cupboard.

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