why i can't sleep

i don't know why?



i have a few guesses:

-there are too many squares in my ceiling tiles and multiplying x by y would be cheating

-i drink coffee too late in the day

-something much more fun is going on somewhere else besides my bed

-because i crack too many knuckles and i won't sleep until i've got all of them

-i think too much

-because i hate sleeping alone

-because i never know where i am when i wake up

-my cat meows all night

-because i'm not satisfied with the day and i wont sleep until things are better

-because i might not wake up

-maybe i have a song stuck in my head

-because i can't put the pen down

-i'm scared of the dark

-i have a guilty conscience

-i'm not eating right

-because things have gone unsaid

-i'd rather be making love

-because i'm convinced it's comfortable to be sleeping in jeans

-my feet are cold

-because i feel like sleep is a waste of time

-because i'm lonely

-because i want a cigarette

-because sometimes i can't tell the difference between dreams and reality

-i don't have enough pillows

-i'm afraid i didn't set the alarm

-i'm too drunk

-i just got done working out and now i want to punch things

-i have a headache

-i'm afraid of clowns

-because my friends live on the other side of the world and when they call it is noon

-because i have to pee

-because i can't make up my mind if i like the ride side or left side better




i'll sleep good tonight though. i had a shitty day. a day that was so shitty that i don't care about anything. a day that was so shitty that one phone call from just the right person at the just the right time could have saved me but i've used up all my blessings for at least a month. i'll sleep good because i hate losing sleep over things. i had a dream about hippos the other night and it was incredible; if i have a dream half as cool tonight it will all be worth it. on the way home today i didn't listen to music with words in it so that way i wont be up all night replaying the lyrics. maybe if i think about the lunesta butterfly i will slowly drift off into a dreamworld about glowing fungus and bright green things or maybe i'll dream that i'm surrounded by beautiful women dressed like gypsies. i could put my hands by my legs and wait until i can't tell whether or not they are touching (i was told once that this is the first sign of falling asleep). i could draw all over myself and wake up to one-liners of good advice on my forearms. i could call my friend in california and tell her i miss her. i could hold a metal ball in one hand and hang it over the side of the bed above a metal plate and not let go until i fall asleep like salvador dali used to. maybe i'll just take the covers and curl up on the couch. even better yet, maybe i'll just get up and put some pants on then go for a long drive to nowhere until i run out of gas. i could hitchhike to the next state and make my way south. i'd steal a sharpe from a gas station and make a sign that says 'equator or bust!'. i'd live off of junk food and not shave for a year. i'd dine and dash at every diner i step in and leave flowers on the waitress's cars. i'd call up a friend in kentucky and crash at his house for a night but wake up early enough to rob him blind and never talk to him again. i'd make a collect call from the road to tell everyone i'm never coming home. i'd change my name to Santos Cristobal Fernando and assume odd jobs in Mexico until i can afford a bus ticket to columbia. i'd hitch a ride in the back of a crowded truck with twenty columbians who don't speak english. i'd get held up at the border and searched as if i was dumb enough to smuggle drugs across the country line. i'd bathe under a waterfall and try to go a whole month without speaking a word. i could learn what it is like to be mute or deaf and make ends meet by scratching upon people's front doors until they fed me and cared for me. i'd find some hot coals and brand the word 'sleepwalker' in the center of my left palm and never wear a shirt again!! or i could just say fuck it and roll over and fall asleep.

(don't read this, i'm just rambling)