speaking in pictures

If I had one hundred paper cranes I'd wait til it was raining and throw them all off my rooftop. Most would fly gloriously for maybe seven seconds before being shot down by rain drops. A few might spiral to the ground before ever taking flight. Maybe one or two would defy all laws of physics and fly endlessly into the distance. If I had one hundred paper airplanes they would surely put up a good fight against the rainfall. One hundred crumbled pieces of paper would make no difference whether or not it was raining, they would just plummet to the ground. One hundred paper dolls would fall beautifully to the ground and their bodies disintegrating upon the street below would make for a beautiful picture. One hundred pennies would sound amazing crashing into the ground but I'd probably ruin someone's car and I'm not even sure I have a dollar to spare these days. One hundred water balloons filled with different color dye.. that would simply be amazing..

A few nights ago I howled at the moon from the top of a church with a friend of mine who loves wolves. I like talking to her with those huge buildings in the background because she sees them for what they are: man made clutter. I used to love big cities but now I'd rather live in a tree house. Her positivity is contagious and I wish I knew her better. I'm very happy these days. I'm happy with books and musical instruments. My new home is huge and I'm building a fine nest in the far north corner. I like sleeping in and drinking hot tea. The cold sucks but it's easy to get used to. I no longer feel like I'm in Limbo.. instead I feel like I'm back at home. I wont stay her forever but I can appreciate the time I have to spend here. World travel has the uncanny ability to unscrew someone's head like a lightbulb and I kind of feel like I'm at that point when the bulb has been screwed back in just enough for the light to flicker on. I'm not there yet but before long I'll shine bright enough to explore the world again.

I told a good friend of mine that I admire his ability to be both sophisticated and adventuresome. He has good table manners but he also once carved ashes into his leg thus tattooing himself by a campfire. I'm not like that. I'm not the Indiana Jones who has a fine library of leather bound books back at home. I'm just a stinky wanderer. I don't have many possessions and the ones I do have will be left behind. I own a green alice backpack. One of the straps is broke and held together by hard plastic ties that dig into my arm when I hike. I drew a face on it and inscribed my forearm tattoo on the front of it so there will never be debate that it belongs to me. I don't live out of a suitcase, I just wear the same thing every day. Mistakes? I've made a few.. maybe more than I'm proud of but somehow I've made it almost twenty six complete revolutions around the sun and lived to tell about it. I don't have any regrets.. well.. actually I do but regrets are what make us human. I'd love to say that I wouldn't change anything I've ever experienced but I wish I could have been a little more mindful at times. I long for that Christ-like or Krishna-like consciousness that one experiences for short amounts of time. I want it all the time. I want to learn how to slow down without compromising the fire that burns within me.