Romeo, thou art a villain

being riddled with uncertainty is a constant reminder that life is one big gamble. i try not to get too caught up in the steps i'm forced to take in the wrong direction but i'd rather be happy that i have the drive to get back on path. when i was younger inspiration was easy to find and i've been wondering why on earth it is such a challenge these days however i think i'm catching on. inspiration (by definition) is really just a time of breathing in. i've both been inspired and had the privilege to inspire others but now days i have to look a bit deeper. i wont lie. most of my slumpiness is because i fret about money and worry about how i'm going to pay for school but fuck it. whats the use of worrying? i have food and shelter and i am constantly blessed in life so really i should be dancing.

the deeper reality is that i dont really care to go back to school. i'd rather be mending fishing nets in a small village in perhaps indonesia. that could be fun for a while but i get my sea-side fix at the marina and girls don't tend to swoon for net-mending the way they would for a college professor.. oh yeah.. i'd look good in a blazer with elbows sewn on.

but really i sometimes replay my life in my head as if it were a movie in fast motion and after skipping through all the details i find that i had a pretty damn cool run for it. i like thinking in this way because i realize how awesome things have been for me and it makes me excited about tomorrow. for real - tomorrow, THURSDAY - anything could happen. i could get a phone call from an old friend or i could be there to see a bird nose dive and catch a fish or maybe i'll catch a glimpse of a turtle.

i like to look at old photographs that i'm in because sometimes i dont recognize myself. it's not like i've changed a ton but i look much more innocent back then. innocent and naive about the world. but now i feel like i'm ready to take on things and i dont have any inhibitions about trying just about anything or getting into trouble just for the love of the game. i look at those old pictures and i see the face of someone who is trapped within himself. the good thing is that in that person i see a lot of promise that would one day lead up to whatever it is that i am now. and i like who i am now.