saying blah blah and cursing at the sunset

when it's cold it is very cold. there are many ways to go about keeping one's home warm in the winter time. how you choose to build your fortifications is a crucial decision and every angle must be calculated. it is like preparing for a siege. recently discovered the goodness of hanging blankets over my windows. now i'm excited about my room. it looks like a really cool tent with random trinkets from around the world carelessly piled. im getting a sword and thats final. miss having a sword. when it's windy in the summer and my windows are open the breeze makes my tent's canvas flap and the cool air feels good.

my room is where i escape from and create new fiction. cold floor. i haven't decided if i'm going to show my room yet in this post but we'll see. listen to:

Chan Chan by buena vista social club

no wait.. watch it on youtube.. so good..

now i'm fluttered and i want to jam. pylemoon is fast approaching with merriment and boozery for all.

in china i once saw the coolest thing i've ever seen. it was in beijing. the city of beijing is a big series of circles. the center is a picture of chairman mao (ps mao means cat i learned) fastened to the forehead of the dragon: forbidden city. it's true. it's shaped like a dragon head. it faces across the street to the capital buildings and all of china's politics are handled in this immense epicenter. the street is crazy the divides the two because it is too big to walk across, you have to take a tunnel. and many streets in china are like this. in shanghai there are tons of them thus creating an elaborate underground connected to an intricate and widely used subway system. a 45 minute trip will take you for miles and miles and you'll still not cover the diameter of the city.

but back to beijing, the city of circles. there are circles printed on stones that make up the city's streets. in the first few rings of the city closest to the center the entirety of the community is covered in beautiful parks and recreation. there are gyms inside and out side there are all sort of outdoor workout equipment distributed and it's really cool. you'll see old people stretching everywhere you go and everyone seems to be very healthy. i saw this in the spring. in one of the parks we found a large group of people mostly old men bearing the same resemblance of retired military. they were singing. one man if not two were playing accordion and everyone knew the words. the music sounded of out hymns from long ago when these men were young soldiers they would sing at bars while on leave. i could see them in my head, getting fucked up and grabbin' pretty ladies just like soldiers on leave anywhere in the world. and their music was really quite beautiful.

this takes my mind all over the world. everywhere there is music.

on busking

Sometimes the customers threw something in the hats.
Sometimes they took something out of the hats.
Sometimes they took the hats.

And with a richer heart and lips more yielding to the spirit will I speak.

seek love.

it was the ducks

i could close my eyes and taste all of the sounds that come in from my window. they taste different late at night or early in the morning if you choose to look at it that way. i wake up to the sound of activity from inside that i can pinpoint without failure where in my building those sounds are coming from. i know when someone is in my house that doesn't live here because i can sense their being. they often startle me, as many things often startle me, and i lay in bed using my wild imagination of what could be going on outside my door. and then i fall asleep dreaming. last night i watched my conciousness slowly turn into dream state and just as Alice slowly descended into the rabbit hole and I watched as my logic and senseable train of thought drited slipped into illogic. and it worries me that this may be the extent of all that is meaningful to dreams. these thoughts are just residue from the day as my brain goes on power-save mode. but there is some meaning that can still be extracted. this meaning comes when we wake up and for a few minutes it is as if we are still dreaming. with every five minutes or so our recolection of this dream might as well have split in half until it is no more than a strange memory. however if we are careful and if we want it badly enough we can slowly slip back into our sleep without alarming the chemicals in our head thus causing damage to our dream that cannot be repaired. if this goes well we find ourselves back where we started with little to no difference from when we left off, or so it seems. Last week sometime I had this phenomenon twice as i found myself in the same dream three times however by the third time things just weren't the same. i was having a mystical dream about a person who i once saw the moon wink at and upon waking up i was overjoyed to have seen them again. it was as if i was right there in the sand with the moon blinking her eye at me and i can almost taste the sounds from the beach. after waking up the third and final time i began to think to myself that this was a very inspirational dream although i'm not sure how so. i stood up and stretched properly and with every pulling of each muscle i felt pieces of that dream being evenly dispersed throughout my body. i wanted to take this dream with me everywhere that day. it was however only a matter of time later that i became sad by this dream because of the great amount of time between this present day and the time the moon winked at us.

Türkiye

documentation folder on my desktop

Ленинград

it is our persistence and our will power that drives us to our potential. it is this things also that help us back to our feet when we are knocked down and if for one moment we lose track of our self-worth then we too are doomed. i imagine life as a walk through a shallow current and all around us there are forces trying to pull us under. sometimes all it takes is a little extra push to keep our heads above the surface long so that we do not lose sight of our goals in the distance. the moment our heads go under the world becomes blurry and sounds are muffled and we start to drown. it may be a difficult struggle but it is a battle that we who care about anything are willing to fight. and we are proud of our diligence. these days it is harder and harder to get a grip on the proverbial life line that pulls us safely to shore but we who care enough do not give up. we are told there is a land of milk and honey on the other side and our sweet tooth is dying for a taste. some feel they can float through life and whereas it is easy to do so there is a great shame to this because before long we forget that they were even struggling against the current to begin with but rather they float far away blindly to the unknown dangers up ahead. i choose not to float any longer. i am no more the free spirited winged creature that feels life is a fairy tale but rather i am now a fighter and i'm getting stronger every day. i've given up on trying to reason with a world that only wishes to play tricks on me. i choose to be free from illusion. i choose to take my steps boldly and carefully so as not to slip on the wet rocks under my feet. i'll hold the hands of those who i feel really care about my dreams to one day cross the river and not be fooled by those who want me to float away. i am worth more than this.