onward

it is late into the evening of my final night (for now) at home.  i've done this so many times that i would have expected to be much better at leaving by now but it seems that these feelings of uncertainty and anxiousness are simply parts of my life that i will always have inside of me.  saying goodbye to my friends has always been hard for me even though i make it look so simple.  there are hugs and bits of advice followed by this very particular moment of saying 'ok' then turning around and walking away.  it seems to happen like this every time.  maybe i get a little too used to being home when i'm here for a few weeks on end.  it plays tricks on me to be so close to my family again however i've been raised to follow my callings in life and i'm in way too deep to turn back now.

i'm nervous and i'm not really sure why.  i don't (yet) speak spanish very well but that will change.  i have no job but i'll find one, i'm sure.  i don't know anybody but i will soon, i always do.  it's weird though, whereas my life has always been a chaotic splash of discomfort in unfamiliar new places i am a little anxious about this move tomorrow.  its silly, all i have to do is find my hostel and begin to let my energy fill whatever tiny corner of this city i end up in.

i've had some great experiences here in detroit this last few weeks.  i watched my mother turn 60 and made sure she had the best birthday she deserves.  i saw my friends and some of their children who i haven't seen in months, when they are young it is very obvious how much they have grown.  i made a choice when i first came here not to involve myself too much with the politics of this country or draw anyone into too much conversation about the ways of where i had been living for the last three years.  i'd rather listen.  i'd much prefer to hear my friends' voices and smile at every bit of progress we have each made down our different paths.

this is the beginning of a very exciting chapter and i'm so fortunate to have been the author of this wild book. to me, south america has seemed like this frontier that one must cross if you desire to fully understand the extent of how colorful our world can be.  i'm glad i've chosen buenos aires as my new home, everyone i talk to who has visited seems to bring many smiles and reassuring bits of happiness back with them.  i hope it does the same for me.

i love you and my friends and my mother and father so much.  when the casting was being called for the characters in my life i became a very fortunate person to have such wonderful people to mold me into what i've become today.  it feels good to write this and i think its the last bit that i needed to accomplish before i finally get some sleep tonight.  i'll wake up tomorrow and have that smile i always have before leaving to a new land.  its that decision we make every day to get out of bed however for me its something much bigger; when i lay my head down again i'll be thousands of miles from this place.  be bold.