3d space cadet

sometimes i wake up with fuzzy memories on the backs of my eyeballs.  they feel like your eyes feel when you go swimming early in the morning in the cold water and you aren't fully awake yet, and dreams fade throughout the day like salt from the ocean dusting off of your eyebrows.  when i wake up early the world is mine.

there was this song i heard long ago.  i stole it from a computer in our peace corps office and at the time i had no understanding of itunes or any of that so i have no idea the name of the song or artist.  maybe its better that way but i have hunted for that song for years.  it was a dub song from something like king tubby or sly and robbie but ive never been able to find it again.  maybe it is better, but i cant help to get a flashback every time a doorbell rings a certain way.  when it hits it hits hard and yet it is a smile that only i can share.

i believe in freedom.  i believe life is a constant struggle with freedom and should we let our guard down for one second our freedoms can be snatched out from under us.  sometimes it seems that no matter what i do i must be part of a system and at times im fine with that but ive learned a thing or two in my short years in this world.  i think ive learned the trick to embrace true sense of individualism and honestly the true secret of happiness; i've learned to listen to others and i've learned to pay attention when the signs are presented before me.  some of us have been here for years and have learned nothing.

3d space cadet represents a funny bit of 'me-time' that i once used to embrace.  sometimes when it was late in the village i would sneak a joint and open the ancient windows 97 laptop that i found in the storage of my home-compound just to play this game for hours. its stupid and a poor excuse not to be asleep but somehow it became a part of me.  i would listen to dub and shuffle through the some sixty songs i had always turning up the volume when the doorbell song (as ive dubbed it - no pun intended) would come on.  yet i still cant find that song - part of me indeed hopes i never will but it would give me some release.  the song is so simple that i could probably recreate it with a drum machine and keyboard in under an hour.. somehow its always a part of me.

i'm on a mission from something somewhere and i have paid attention for a long time.  the world sometimes bites back and i begin to wonder how a place that ive come to embrace so closely would ever turn its back on me but i know better than to believe im special in any way; one day i too will be swallowed up by this earth.  i've got a job to do and i think i'm doing pretty good at it.  i will continue to travel and wander this earth with eyes wide open and ears tuned to the lessons to be learned.  i might never hear that song again but i dont mind - maybe its time i make music.