ohh.. the places you'll go!

in this world of sights and sounds we catch glimpses of other cultures and livlihoods. we are invited into the homes of people who speak in strange tongues and they feed us strange foods that don't seem that strange too them. and when we travel we get lonely. we look for love and comfort in the shapes of things we recognize and smells that smell like home. but as my backpack sits in the corner of my cold bedroom i marvel in the way that it soaks up the scents of incense and dirty clothes in hopes that enough will be absorbed when i travel again. it has become like family to me. sometimes in strange faraway lands i use it like a pillow. at airports where i have no friends i act like i am looking for something to no avail then i ask the stranger next to me if they've got the time. i once woke up in the airport at las vegas to find three beautiful women giggling at me and how i apparently talk in my sleep. my hair was greased to a sloppy mess on one side and i had lines on my face closely resembling those of the straps of my bag.

i think of places i've been and i smile thinking of how much they've changed over time. i think of the huge buildings in shanghai and how they have surely doubled in size over the year that it's been since i've visited. i think of the bridge that was under construction in apia promising to increase commercial affairs to the samoan capital and how it is definately finished by now. i think of this strange village i once saw in haiti and i think about how poor the people were there. i wonder if anything has changed. i think about a man named mika from tokelau who i met on a faraway ocean and i think about how he has been living the same life as a talented fisherman for years and i wonder if he is still out there hunting delicious oily unicorn fish with the greatest of ease.

so this makes me look from my window into the pending nastiness of detroit winter and i toughen up a little bit. in reality of all the places i've traveled to detroit is the craziest. have you ever been here? our parties are dirty and smokey and they take place in old warehouses and industrial centers beginning at 2 in the morning. we have no laws here and that is not always a bad thing but it is defiantely not always a good thing either. whereas life has thrown me a sidewinder and asked me to spend another winter here before i take a great plunge into the mediterranean early next year i have chosen to embrace it.. and enjoy it. i love this city and i cannot hide that whenever i travel i take with me a piece of my hometown with me. for now i walk through the cold dirty halls of my strange city's strange buildings and i laugh about how people are affraid to come here. and they should be.

lambp

**for other videos look up 'myneighborhank' on youtube

all the love that i've found

as those among us walk with no direction and march with incredible speed i wonder to myself where we are going and why we are moving so fast. their faces look emotionless or confused and their desires are displayed clearly leaving no room for imagination. a man turns to check out the view of a pretty girl from behind and a child stares endlessly at the passerby of a different race as if they are an alien. and quickly they walk to their offices and to their jobs and to their processed lunches and to their television sets. and all the while they swear they know where they are going without ever stopping to ask for directions. the looks on their faces are priceless.

somehow we feel this need to validate every moment we exist as if we are trying to assemble some sort of bigger meaning to our lives in the hopes that our destinies will be fulfilled. why do we do this? why is it that we must analyze every moment as if it means something? a moment is what it is and just in the same liking as matter, it cannot be created or destroyed. each moment bears a faint resemblence to something we reach so desperately for when sometimes we'd be better off staying in bed. is there a better way? brother things can always be better than this..

seek first old men. fill them with whiskey and ask them about the good old days. seek secondly small children. fill them with candy and ask them about the future. finally seek yourself and fill yourself with love and empathy and ask yourself about where you fit in the world.

as it has been said to me, "it's your world, i'm just living in it.." i could find no greater truth than those words as i have come to understand that to each individual the world revolves around each of us. i am a character in everybody else's lives. i am a supporting actor and i am no more real than the impression i give. i am a smile from a pretty girl and i am a cold stare from someone who wishes me harm. i am a collection of every experience i have ever come to know and i am accountable for every breath i take. we have searched for love and found each other.. whoever we are.. and we are no more deserving than our brothers. when life blesses us with love we take it for granted and often fail to kiss each other goodnight. but there is love. and this love is available to those who open their hearts. and this love operates by chance and uncertainty; should we ignore it then it shall be no more real than the fleeting illusions of our fantasies.

salem,
mookfish

an email to myself

On Sun, Nov 9, 2008 at 9:41 AM, Christopia Ardagna wrote:
i almost want to begin this letter with a note that says: "this is to you" however these things best be left in the ambiguity of being cryptic. and i code these words not to leave one in the dark while another would know exactly what i'm talking about however i do this because 'dear diary' is boring. things have been crazy. almost overwhelming although i'm not sure i've ever felt that i could consider myself whelmed whatever that means. by calling things crazy i'm not suggesting that there have been events that have been hard to handle, although they are, but i'm referring to the times in between. times like a few days ago when i vanished completely from the world and hid on belle isle. for some reason that day had no clouds in the sky and the weather was maybe 71 degrees so i found a spot on the beach. i mused myself all day with the tiny life forms and beach leavings i had chanced upon like twigs shrubs and twigs and those pointy burrs that stick to everything. that day i unearthed all sorts of things each more amazing than the last and all of them drove me wild with curiosity about what else could be found on this faraway land. the nicest part was that the beach spot i had found was on a slight hill of sand that made for cover from passing traffic and nobody could see me besides the occasional child in the a backseat who waves. i marveled in a strange set of those helicopter things and their symmetry made me smile. before long i had a kingdom created. my throne was made of sand and my throne room displayed the various treasure from faraway shores i had collected.

and i think of people and how stinking weird they are some times.

i have this habit of switching people with cats in my head. if not cats then other strange beasts with odd behavior. i imagine someone throwing a shiney object into a crowd of humans and suddenly pandamonium ensues. or a female human with huge boobs walks by and male humans begin fighting and hitting each other with sticks.

i like to observe these strange creatures. sometimes i play little tricks on them by writing strange notes and slipping them into the pockets of their strange clothing. they are fragile minding creatures and can be easily manipulated. they are funny when you put alcohol in them. they do strange dances and their speech becomes very different. if you give them too much they will become prone to violence and debauchery however don't worry because their memories of their actions will be hazy.

we should carry sharpes more often. i think it would be in our best interest to carry a useful tool like a marker everywehre we go because everywhere there is art. and more people need cryptic messages folded and placed in their pockets.

on musings: seek love. pursue loving kindness and be well happy and peaceful. with love greet all life forms with admiration and wonderment. laugh and smile and do not allow those who do not laugh and smile to bring you down.

Geivanna (Jennie) Ardagna

10/4/1925 - 11/4/2008

i love you grandma,
your godi duji