we didn't ask to be born

in all the curiosities of life i found myself face-up to the ceiling with a small kitten mewing and clawing at my toes. something about this 6 week old (max) creature made me think less about the mysteries of existence and more about the strangeness it entails to be alive. it was a story with a definite beginning yet an undefinable moment to our conciousness when we started to realize that we exist.

so we're tossed onto this planet with a strict set of rules we are told we must follow. rule number one tells us that by being born we have already signed our death certificate in that ultimately one day we will come to an end. ok, i can deal with that. rule number two is really the only other rule but it is a big one. this rule tells us that in our short time walking this planet we must find some purpose in our existence and if we dont we will surely lay in our deathbeds crying and begging to the universe that we have wasted our lives and never found our definition. so out of fear for this demise we make crazy decisions and hold on to any form of love we find, be in women, god, drugs, television, music, sex, literature or laser tag. and nobody ever questioned this before? what if i am happy as i am? why are we told that happiness is fleeting and an idealistic luxury of youth? i dont buy that for a second. happiness is a practice and simplicity is a destination - will you come with me?

this kitten is but a miserable example of the mysteries of life. by all rules of logic, chance and uncertainty this cat should be tossed to the street and given to the night creatures that torment all the other nine billion cats in the world. but we've chosen this kitten to be a third member of our house, one that will bring joy with her innocence and playful nature. something isn't adding up here. hell.. toss me to the streets and take away my rights to be known as human - its happened to our brothers and sisters huddled beneath the street lamps and asking for coins to the silence of strangers passing by who pretend they dont hear. something isn't adding up. a coin is tossed and into this world we are placed like a plastic figurine in the game of Risk. we beg to whatever god we believe in to make it easier on us but we shake our fists when we dont get what we want..

were we not taught that suffering is caused by desire?

happiness is a practice. simplicity is a destination. perhaps we should practice (not)wanting. give me the fried brain of a vagabond and ask him where in our evolutionary process he was left behind. ask him why nobody wants to mate with him to continue his perfect genetics and therefore the continuation of our species.

oof, this life is much more than a rough draft.