civilization

'Frozen eyes, sweaty back, my family's sleeping on a railroad track. All my life I pack/unpack but man I got to earn this buck. I gotta pay representation to be accepted in a nation where after efforts of a hero welcome start again from zero'

-immigraniada by gogol bordello


i listened to this song on repeat in the few hours i spent with my closest friends in istanbul the day i left bound for kırgızıstan. it fired me up and i wont soon forget the kind words harvey said about me when i was on my way out the door.. this city will be a little less colorful without you. i can still feel that excitement when i listen to this song and it really does something to me. i heard it playing in my head when i was alone in my tent at the sea side or in the desert. i can almost feel the lines around my eyes growing thicker and my face aging with experience. every great adventure ive taken has had great music preceeding. 'aqueous transmission' by incubus brought me to china the first time. 'this must be the place' by talking heads brought me to samoa. virtually everything by manu chao brought me to central america.. henceforth..

god.. i layed in bed this morning and heard that calling again. it reminds me of the part in battlestar galactica when 'the four' all heard the same music in their head whilest realizing they were cylons. dork. i hear it though and i dont tune it out. i feel that excitement of immigraniada and the heavy breath that pulses through me when i walk out the door into the world of unknown. i urge everyone to travel just for this feeling alone, there is truly nothing like it.

i had a vision this week. i saw the path my life has taken me thusfar and saw how its somehow lead me into an amazingly large and complicated city. somehow i fit in here and i have never once felt that social anxiety i once received after leaving the island life. it is curious to me that i can get by here and even leave my apartment in daylight. but really im very happy in istanbul and for the time being i dont mind unpacking my bags for a while but i have a vision. i have a vision of leaving the 'civilized' world again and returning to the village.. whatever either of those words mean.. i think i have the itch again to return to a place where i know every person i live near. i want to feel again how it feels to wake up to sounds of water and wind and i want to find a religion that doesnt make me uncomfortable. its out there and its by the seaside.. for now i have to find a way to sustain. i have a plan and its a good plan. until then im enjoying that nostalgic feeling of excitement and taking in the lighter side of this world of sights and sounds.